Biometric Dating: A Safer Way To Find Love
Location: Los Angeles International Airport – Singles Terminal Hosted by: Palantir Dating™ Date & Time: Mon-Sun, 12am-12pm, Every 60 minutes
About The Event
Biometric dating is a safe, low-pressure way to find a romantic partner who is not a domestic terror threat. Our events are run by the National Security State and attract crowds of up to 10,000 singles per day.
How It Works
Plan to arrive at least 2 hours before the scheduled event time. At check-in, you’ll be guided on how to stand, rotate, and face the scanner while it checks you out from top to bottom and front to back. Don’t be shy!
After completing your full-body scan, you’ll answer a series of personal questions to help the system determine your eligibility as a single and match you with an appropriate law-abiding citizen. All information is captured by Palantir Dating™ and stored in a secure government database. Complementary drinks will be served to help you loosen up and reveal more of yourself to Palantir.
FAQs
What is the dress code?
The less you have on, the better. You’ll be asked to empty your pockets and remove your belt, shoes, jewelry, and any and all metallic objects you might be carrying.
Will I meet real people at this event?
No. You won’t be faced with the pressure of introducing yourself to potential matches in person. Instead, you will interact with Palantir’s romantic screening and matchmaking system, which will handle everything.
What kinds of questions will I be asked?
You’ll enjoy a series of fun, get-to-know-you questions about your religion, political views, finances, living situation, travel patterns, medical history, online activity, past relationships, and performance in bed. If you are over 35, you may be asked why you are still single.
Am I guaranteed to get a match?
Yes. In most cases, you’ll be paired with one carefully vetted single. However, we cannot guarantee a human match. In some instances, Palantir may decide that an AI partner is the best fit for you, after scanning millions of profiles around the globe. Also, please note that if anything suspicious is flagged during your screening, you will be matched with a security officer instead.
How quickly will I receive my match?
Once the screening process is complete, you can expect to receive the profile and full-body scan of your match on your phone within seconds. You will be instantly alerted to any medical issues with your match, such as infertility, sudden mood swings, or unexplained body odor.
Refund Policy
All sales are final, but you may request a transfer ticket to one of our many upcoming events, including SkyNet Professional Networking, Social Credit Wine Tasting, or Pre-Crime Mix & Mingle.
* If you enjoy my satire, consider leaving me a tip on Ko-Fi or Buy Me a Coffee. Your support helps me continue roasting the New World Order. Thank you.
That was an amazingly accurate and utterly hysterical piece I have ever read! Thank You for the ROFL's!!!
To any who see My words, make note, and be sure, like Me, that You choose to stop consenting to the whole mess, or else... Thusly lies the future.
Just Stop Consenting! (article): https://amaterasusolar.substack.com/p/just-stop-consenting
Palantir Dating — bullseye!
My fave: “In some instances, Palantir may decide that an AI partner is the best fit for you, after scanning millions of profiles around the globe. Also, please note that if anything suspicious is flagged during your screening, you will be matched with a security officer instead.”
BTW, was “complementary drinks” an intentional pun or an accidental one (typo)?