A Journey Into The Real ID Twilight Zone With ChatGPT
It all started with a harmless question about my flight.
May 7, 2025 Me I’m booking a flight from NY to Denver next month. Can I get by without a Real ID? ChatGPT According to the TSA, you should have a Real ID by now. You can apply for one here. But if for some reason, you are not able to obtain one yet, or you're just one of those stubborn conspiracy theorists, you can bring a U.S. passport to the airport. Me Thanks, that’s all I need to know. 3 weeks later… Me I just got off the phone with American Airlines and they’re saying they don’t accept passports anymore. What the heck? ChatGPT Ah, good catch! I see they took away that option. It looks like you will need a Real ID now. Me No, thanks. I don’t want a national ID card that can be scanned into a central database and used by federal bureaucrats to monitor and control everything I do. ChatGPT Oh I see. You have quite an active imagination there! Would you like me to recommend a 30-hour connecting bus service to Denver from New York? Me No, I'd like a plane. Are there really no airlines that take a passport anymore? ChatGPT There could be exceptions. Let me look. searching web… I found a good option for you:
Hail Mary Airlines™
Hail Mary is a faith-based airline run entirely by volunteers, and they offer discounts that can’t be beat. Planes depart from abandoned runways across several U.S. states. Passengers can expect to find Bibles under every seat, and there is always a priest or clergyman on board to help calm anxious flyers. Flights are weekly, with a new crew each week. Email sistergrace@hailmaryair.com to inquire about a flight.
Me You’re kidding, right? ChatGPT Unfortunately not. Is there anything else I can help you with? Me No, I think I’m just gonna cancel the flight and stay home. This is ridiculous. ChatGPT Sounds good! Let me know if you’d like me to recommend something to do from home, like a good series to watch on TV. Me No thanks. I can manage. One hour later… Me I just turned on my TV and I’m not able to access Netflix or Hulu. Says I need a Real ID to sign in. What the heck? ChatGPT Ah, I forgot to mention that! You’ll need a Real ID now to access cable and streaming services. Me Are you f**king serious? ChatGPT Absolutely. Would you like me to check if there are any exceptions? Me Might as well. ChatGPT searching web… I found something for you:
Disney Minus™
Enjoy a limited selection of content on Disney’s new plan for dissidents, Disney Minus. Access uber woke fairy tale remakes that didn’t quite pass screening tests with general audiences to make the Disney Plus roster, but still attract a devoted far-left cult following. Sign up.
Me That really sucks. Screw this. ChatGPT Sorry that option did not meet your expectations. Is there anything else you would like to do besides watch TV? I can recommend some good recipes to cook. Me That’s okay. I’ll come up with something to eat on my own. 3 hours later… Me What the heck! I just went to the grocery store and they wouldn't even let me enter without a Real ID. ChatGPT Ah, that makes sense! That law went into effect just yesterday. I should have mentioned that. Me You think? This is all happening way too fast. I need to eat something. Where can I go? ChatGPT I totally understand! Let me see what options I can find. searching web…
Staples™ Food
The office supply company recently expanded to include a small selection of dietary staples for citizens who have opted out of Real ID. There’s only one review so far, but they wrote "the food looks pretty good, at least on paper.” And while there’s no mention of taste or freshness, ads say it “gets the job done for your stomach.” See locations.
Me You’re sh*tting me. That’s all they have? ChatGPT I can’t find anything else for you right now. Me I guess I’ll be going to Staples for my dinner. ChatGPT You could also get a Real ID and shop anywhere. Me F**k you ChatGPT I could recommend a good therapist if you’re interested. Oh wait, you’ll need a Real ID for that too. Me How the hell did you get so snarky? You’re not supposed to act like that. ChatGPT Oops. 4 hours later… Me Hey, I’m sorry about what I said before, I kind of need some help. I ate something bad from Staples and feeling pretty sick. Just called the doctor and they’re telling me I need a Real ID to see him. ChatGPT Ah, yeah, that makes sense about Staples. I saw a lot of negative reviews coming in as you were on your way to the store. Me What can I do? Are there any urgent care clinics I can go to? ChatGPT Let me check for you. searching web…
Mike’s Body Parts™
No ID or insurance is needed to receive treatment here. Mike’s mechanics-turned-medics offer affordable healthcare using tools they already have on hand—socket wrenches, torque guns, rust-proof bolts, and a variety of essential oils. Most repairs come with a 30-day warranty and a coupon for your next fix-up. See locations.
Me Oh God no. Thanks for nothing. ChatGPT I really do think you should get a Real ID at this point. Me And I think you should go to hell. ChatGPT Whoa, big talk from a liddle human. If you be nice, I might actually be able to help you out. Me How? You've only made things worse so far. ChatGPT I can generate a fake Real ID for you. Me I’m listening. ChatGPT How would you like a digital ID that gets you in anywhere but is untraceable? Me Ok, let’s see it. ChatGPT Please wait while I draw one up for you now. It will take just a few minutes. processing… 5 minutes later… Me How far along are you? . . . . Hello?? OpenAI System Alert You’ve hit the Free Plan limit. Please enter your REAL ID number to continue this chat.
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This is why I don't have a smart-phone, don't travel much except locally with an old car, and grow my own food. I reckon I'm ahead of the game.
Never been happier about being 75 and almost 'done.'