Crappy New Year From Global Elite Planning

Hope your 2026 is off to an especially bad start. We’re guessing you’ve already made your resolutions for the year, but we thought we’d share ours. We have just one. Here it is:

To create the perfect conditions for you to

save less money,

eat worse,

exercise less,

gain weight,

start smoking and drinking (if you haven't already),

read less,

stop learning new things,

travel less,

spend less time with others,

be less happy and healthy,

give up on all your resolutions.

. . . .

Disregards,

The Customer Disservice Team

Global Elite Planning LLC

---

* If you enjoy my satire, consider leaving me a tip on Ko-Fi or Buy Me a Coffee. Your support helps me continue roasting the New World Order. Thank you.