We're Putting The Final Touches On Your Digital SlaveCard

Image generated by Sora

Dear Unvalued Customer,

At Global Elite Planning, LLC, we’ve built our reputation on creating unparalleled dissatisfaction and misery for the human race. We were planning to delete all your rights before the holidays, but after some reflection, we’ve had a slight change of heart. Perhaps something about humanity is starting to rub off on us.

In the spirit of generosity, we’ve decided that you may keep most of your basic rights, free of charge, as follows:

✅  Right to work
✅  Right to rent
✅  Right to eat
✅  Right to sleep
✅  Right to exist

Your new Digital SlaveCard™ will grant you the right to do all of the above — or at least attempt them, depending on market conditions, which will be bleak.

If you wish to add premium-level rights to your card — such as the right to speak, laugh, or think your own thoughts — you can do so for a modest monthly fee.

We’re also offering a choice of color. Would you prefer the standard mainstream SlaveCard, which comes in blue, or the more edgy alternative SlaveCard, which comes in bold, rebellious red?

Finally, please select your preferred method of delivery: email, text, hard copy, or forehead stamp. If you choose the forehead stamp, we’ll gladly waive the processing fee.

Note: Your SlaveCard is designed to provide you with a basic, working form of bondage until we complete our permanent, fully immersive subjugation experience, which won’t require a card. If you have any questions or concerns about our agenda, please contact our Customer Disservice Department and enjoy an automated message. We are available 0 hours per day, 0 days per week.

Disrespectfully,

The Customer Disservice Team
Global Elite Planning, LLC

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