Classic Children's Stories Rewritten By Health Authorities
To reassure the world that the Science hasn’t changed and never will, experts at the CDC, NIH, and various other agencies have decided to immortalize their guidance in a series of children’s books. Below is a selection of timeless tales, rewritten with love and care by trusted health authorities. These works are now mandatory reading for all ages:
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The Wonderful Wizard Who Locked Down Oz
by Frank Baum and The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
A powerful tornado transports young Dorothy Gale to the land of Oz, where a wicked witch has just released a deadly strain of Flying Monkey Pox on the population. In order to prevent the spread of the disease, the Wizard of Oz institutes a lockdown, forbidding anyone from leaving the land. While most of the inhabitants are willing to quarantine for the greater good, Dorothy selfishly insists on returning home.
Joined by three grifters that she meets along the yellow brick road, the spoiled teenager travels to Emerald City to complain to the Wizard. However, because she tests positive for Flying Monkey Pox, she cannot enter to see him.
Unable to get her way, Dorothy considers escaping Oz illegally. She is egged on by Glinda, the misguided Witch of the North, who tells her to ignore the mandates and use her magic slippers to get back home. But authorities in Munchkin Land warn that if she goes back to Kansas, she could transmit Flying Monkey Pox to her immunocompromised Aunty Em. This forces Dorothy to make a difficult decision: Will she follow the guidance of qualified experts in Oz? Or allow her ignorance to put her entire family at risk?
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Peter Pan Grows Up And Listens To The Scientists
by J.M. Barrie and Dr. Anthony Fauci
