Pentagon 5000 Takes Flight

WASHINGTON, DC — In a historic press conference, President Donald Trump announced that the Pentagon can now lift off the ground and fly across the Earth, thanks to top secret UFO technology.

“Wars are going to end a lot more quickly now,” Trump said, unveiling an image of the upgraded war department hovering over Tehran.

The president touted the craft as being “proudly made in the USA,” and credited War Chief Pete Hegseth, Elon Musk, and the ETs under the Pentagon with making it happen. “I let them go wild with this one, and it really paid off,” he said. “They took all that waste we found in Social Security, Medicare, and Education, and put it into something truly necessary for our country.”

With its powerful teleportation beam, the Pentagon 5000 is equipped to abduct problematic world leaders in the middle of the night with ease. It is also capable of vaporizing entire cabinets during regular business hours, if necessary.

“We’ll be able to bring much needed changes to Iran, Cuba, Canada, and other places in a matter of minutes – assuming the beam locks on,” Secretary of State Marco Rubio explained to reporters.

Engineers on the project say they continue to be amazed by their own work. Due to the highly classified nature of the technology, they weren’t allowed to fully understand what they were doing.

“Our team was given an abbreviated instruction manual with large sections redacted,” the chief engineer reported.

Pilots inside the Pentagon are also attempting to figure out the control system, according to sources. With enough luck, they’ll only wipe out a few critical energy centers in the Middle East.

The Pentagon 5000 will undergo a simple test run before engaging in full-scale regime change. Once it receives clearance, the ship is expected to make its mark in every corner of the globe, leaving a 1.4 million square foot stamp of democracy that can’t be erased…

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