Fellow Americans and Allies around the globe: We understand that ’World War III’ can sound alarming. That’s why the President asked our branding team here at the Pentagon to come up with some more appealing names. Here are our top picks:
Large-Scale Armed Diplomacy III
We think this describes it much more accurately. Our goal is always peace — by whatever means necessary.
Graduate Launchpad III
The ultimate life kickstarter for aimless young men coming out of school. No more floundering in their parents’ basement.
WWE III
One of our pro-wrestling advisors gave us this gem. We think it will play great with the demo we’re trying to reach.
Global Catharsis III
Instead of keeping our anger and resentment bottled up inside, our psycho-therapeutic advisors recommend letting it all out on the battlefield, which is much healthier for us and the planet.
Population Optimizer III
With fewer people on Earth, there’ll be more space to walk around and relax. Maybe fewer options on the dating apps, but still, it’ll be a lot better.
The Last War
We promise!
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Though the remaining proposed branding options do have their own merit, I vote for #1: "Large-Scale Armed Diplomacy III"... I believe it more accurately reflects the Empire's global peace efforts.
Knowing Hegseth he'd go for "Testosterone Booster lll " but as I'm still grinning like a loon at your latest bout of humour, I'm going to settle myself down by being honest and going for " Population Optimizer lll ".
Be careful Noel, a brain like yours that comes up with these funny ideas, you might find yourself working on Team Trump 😆