What To Do If You Encounter A Wild, Unmodified Human

An Emergency Preparedness Guide from The Department of Human Control and Corrections, Summer 2043

Edited Photo by Lucas Pezeta on Pexels

Updated July 8, 2043

Thanks to successful gene therapies and re-education programs, humans have evolved from crude Homo sapiens to a far superior species — Homo correctus. Many of the problems that plagued humankind for millennia have now been fixed. Race and gender have been eliminated, unacceptable thoughts rarely occur, and defective members of the population can be deleted with the push of a button.

While the improvements are safe and effective, some savages out there refuse to follow the Science and evolve like the rest of us. These dangerous primates are known to ask questions and do their own research, which can be quite alarming! Anthropologists have also noted their loose tongues and their inability to censor their speech.

It’s estimated that as many as 500,000 of these wild, free-thinking mammals still roam the Earth, dwelling in natural environments and eating unprocessed foods, not approved by any of our laboratories.

So what should you do if you encounter an unmodified human? Here are three simple steps to follow:

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1. Get to Safety

Do not engage with the human in any way. Cover your ears if it starts to speak, and don’t accept hand-written notes, books, or self-published articles from them for any reason. If you’re within a few feet of the human, step back slowly and then run! Get inside the nearest safety shelter and seal off all openings so that the beast is unable to slide its “research” through the window or under the door.

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2.  Call Human Control

Once you are in a safe, sterile environment, contact the Department of Human Control at 911-HUMAN and report your encounter. Make sure to provide a detailed description so authorities can quickly identify and target the evolution-denying primate. (Note: If you’ve seen this savage from our most wanted list, please let us know. Sources say it is still alive and armed with disinformation.)

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3.  Stay Where You Are

Be patient and wait for the emergency team to arrive. Do not attempt to go back outside and debate the human on the Science! Allow the professionals to do their job and neutralize the beast with a high-energy taser. This will put an end to any scientific discussion right on the spot. Once sedated, the human will be transported to a local zoo where it can no longer question the progress we’ve made.

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