Averting World War 3 Requires More Preemptive Strikes, Military Leaders Say

WORLD NEWS — Generals and defense chiefs from nearly every major country on Earth issued a stern warning this week: If we don’t do everything possible to neutralize and disarm our adversaries, we could have another world war on our hands.

“A few bad actors out there are intent on starting World War Three,” U.S. Defense Secretary Lloyd James Austin said in a press conference. “We need to use the full power of our military to stop them before they do.”

Leaders across the globe communicated the same message in sixteen different languages. Altogether, they have identified over a hundred “bad actors.” The list includes the United States, Russia, Ukraine, North Korea, China, Taiwan, Iran, Israel, Hamas, Pakistan, the U.K., France, Germany, Canada, Latin America, Communists, Christians, Muslims, Zionists, Anti-Semites, Trump supporters, Republicans, Democrats, and numerous others.

Many nations are building up their arsenals in order to save the planet from catastrophe. Some have already fired long-range missiles into enemy territory — a move they hope will discourage dictators and imperialists from engaging in further acts of war or violence.

Increasingly dire circumstances have even spurred a number of Nordic countries to reverse their pacifistic foreign policies and adopt a more aggressive stance. “For too long we’ve sat back passively while the world moves closer and closer to Armageddon,” Iceland’s new military commander said, pounding her fist on the table. “It’s time we stepped in and taught these warmongers a lesson!”

To date, over 30 nations have signed the Anti-War Enforcement Pact (AWEP), pledging to target and eliminate any threats to world peace. Experts say if they can get as many as 50 countries to sign on, the Earth will be in a much more stable place.

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