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Liquifact: Daily Facts in a Bottle

Noel Spangler's avatar
Noel Spangler
Dec 12, 2022
Cross-posted by New World Humor
"Greetings from the edge of Dystopia! While I’m on break, I couldn't resist re-posting this classic from the early days of New World Humor. Just as relevant now as it was four years ago."
- Noel Spangler
Image created by Ian Spangler from photos on Unsplash

Feeling overwhelmed by the news? You’re not alone. There’s a lot of information out there, and it’s hard to break it all down and digest it properly. That’s why I, Bill Gates, invented Liquifact — an easy-to-absorb formula that ensures you’re getting all the right facts.

To develop Liquifact, I brought together some of the top minds at Reuters.com, Politifact, and Gerber’s Baby Food. The unique formula we created is specially designed for growing adults. It saves you the trouble of having to gather information, analyze it, and interpret it yourself. With Liquifact, all of that hard work is done for you. Our expertly formulated, government-approved facts go straight to your brain and stay there—until they’re ready to be replaced with new facts.

Our product also protects your mind from harmful misinformation. Once ingested, Liquifact solidifies inside your cerebral cortex, creating an ultra-resistant barrier that blocks out baseless claims and conspiracy theories. Our scientists have ensured that your body only absorbs information from official sources and nothing else.

So far, millions of customers around the world have been fed Liquifact, and they all say “It’s the most trusted formula on the market.” Once our facts reach your brain, we guarantee you’ll agree.

Each bottle of Liquifact is filled with 100% whole facts, lovingly prepared in our global factory and delivered right to your doorstep. Why not try a free sample to start? You’ll find that our facts are not only good for you, they taste great too… Mmmm. Now that’s good information!

Liquifact: All the facts you need. No questions asked.


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