34 Comments
User's avatar
Red Pill Poet's avatar

"forehead stamp"!!!!!

"If you have any questions or concerns about our agenda, please contact our Customer Disservice Department and enjoy an automated message. We are available 0 hours per day, 0 days per week." — Bam!

Another beauty — thanks!

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Noel Spangler's avatar

😂 🙏🏻

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Forgettable's avatar

Isn't it a bit too obvious to call it a SlaveCard? They should call it a FreedomCard instead for that good 'ole doublespeak.

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Noel Spangler's avatar

In this particular satirical world, they tell you all the things they would normally hide in real life. Have you completed the customer dissatisfaction survey, by the way?

https://www.newworldhumor.com/p/customer-dissatisfaction-survey-global-elite-planning?utm_source=publication-search

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Forgettable's avatar

Oh yes, I was terribly dissatisfied with that survey. So dissatisfied that I was the top commenter in fact!

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Rob (c137)'s avatar

When can I throw away my analog slave cards?

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Noel Spangler's avatar

Likely already expired :)

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V. N. Alexander's avatar

"We are available 0 hours per day, 0 days per week." Ha, ha.

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SheilaB's avatar

WIsh I could have liked that more than once!

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Veronica Baker's avatar

Dear or not so dear service team,

Although you are available 0 hours or days, I'm sure one of the UK's lettered agencies will be reading this and pass my reply along. I feel like being most unladylike and telling you to put my digital ID where the sun doesn't shine, but I prefer to keep my phone at hand. I should inform you that you could never have the shade of red to match the amount I aim to rebel.

Besides you loony bunch of disservice team, I already have my slave number, you know that number top corner of my birth certificate when my mother registered my birth and you floated me on the stock market and turned me into a ghost.

At least my American friends are straw men, always sounds a bit more substantial to me than being killed off at birth.

With malice and no regrets.

Veronica Baker.

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Noel Spangler's avatar

😂 😂

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Amaterasu Solar's avatar

Wish I knew why all of a sudden I keep getting codes sent to Me from SS to make comments. And I truly wish I had a penny to give.

Excellent and frighteningly funny!

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Noel Spangler's avatar

Thank you, Amaterasu! You are already giving far more than that with your comments and your sharing. It means a lot.

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Amaterasu Solar's avatar

Love always! 🤗 💜 🤗

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Rat's avatar

Wait, so the rights to sportsball and gambling are no more considered essential?

What a downer. Proles again have it better than the Outer Party.

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Lawrence Cornfield's avatar

Demonic entities must always tell us the truth about their intentions in order that we enslave ourselves voluntarily….those are the rules.

Once again this is a very observant piece of satire….the only problem is that when the slave-cards are finally issued (very soon), your “Right to Satire” will definitely be revoked....it will be sadly missed.

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Noel Spangler's avatar

Thank you! That's true, unfortunately, but good insight.

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sharonmo's avatar

Yu are very good like "The Onion" in San Francisco is. Don't know if they are still around but you could write for them and be read by 1000's or at least a few. LOL

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Noel Spangler's avatar

Thank you! They are still around, but not in San Francisco as far as I know. https://theonion.com/

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Klaus Hubbertz's avatar

{...standard mainstream SlaveCard, which comes in blue...}

Blue AND WHITE, the two colors of the most despicable state on this planet !!! 🤮🤮🤮

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Veronica Baker's avatar

I'd have to throw the red in there as well, you know, coming from the land of the Butchers Apron, aka the Union Flag unless on board a boat and it oddly turns into the Union Jack. 😉

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Visceral Adventure's avatar

Excellent excellent. Apt material!

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Noel Spangler's avatar

Thanks, Tonika!

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Mary Poindexter McLaughlin's avatar

Noel, you are magic. You bring so much joy into my life by skewering the darkest evil! May we all follow your lead...🤩

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Noel Spangler's avatar

Thanks so much, Mary 🙏🏻 That means a lot! But I wouldn't follow anyone's lead other than your own.

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Mary Poindexter McLaughlin's avatar

Indeed! Wise words...

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John Visher's avatar

I am old enough to remember "no loitering" signs shaming us into being "productive." Now that we're all "useless eaters," will we need a license to loiter? What the hell are we supposed to do, spend all day at the gym pumping iron, preparing for a WW(X) fought with fists and clubs?

We're all loitering now! In china it's called "laying flat."

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Jason's avatar

Special offer !!!!! Free DP* to anyone 65years old, retired and not opted out.

DP does not mean double penetration

DP does not mean decent pension

(*DP= Free Death Pod when your usefulness expires) **

**Free after when you give your house/organs

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Noel Spangler's avatar

😂 😂

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The Word Herder's avatar

Yeah. Sharing.

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