Here at Bon Appetech, our goal is to bring customers locally engineered food with as little human effort as possible. Thanks to our new owners, Tesla and SpaceX, that goal has now become a reality. With their groundbreaking technology, we’ve managed to eliminate our entire waitstaff. All meals are now transported straight from the lab to your table on nitrogen-powered Airplates™.
We invite you to check out this year’s Thanksgiving menu, whipped up by a team of passionate and dedicated AI chefs:
STARTERS
Clams by Claude ~ $15
Award-winning faked clams, hallucinated from scratch by Chef Claude.
Just Like Salad ~ $14
Alternative lettuce, artificial artichokes, imitation tomatoes, and mock cucumbers, with falsamic dressing.
Soup of the Minute ~ $12
Our cloud-based bisque could change at any moment, based on the latest cybersecurity assessment.
ENTREES
Somersaulted Tesla Turkey ~ $32
Handled by caring Tesla bots, our live bird is humanely raised into the air and gently backflipped into a boiling pot of water. Served with 6G-roasted sweet potatoes and SpaceX stuffing.
Imperial Technocrab ~ $38
Wholesome, lab-grown, and lovingly gene-edited. Served over a bed of machine-cut spinach in the shape of the North American Super State.
Linguini Alla LLM ~ $28
Super-intelligent synthetic pasta prepared by a Large Linguini Model and bathed in a rich, vibe-coded cream sauce.
Flock-Eye Salmon ~ $36
Pharma-raised fish, stuffed with gut-friendly cameras for convenient digestion tracking and alerts from your doctor’s office. Served with spliced nano-peas and Palantir potatoes.
Spike Protein Burger ~ $30
Our signature lab-grown patty made with 100% pure spike protein and topped with genetically modified lettuce, tomato, and melted mRNA-jack cheese.
DESSERT
Raw AI Pie ~ $13
Developed by Chef Grok with minimal human processing and interference, our pie is the product of just a single, two-word prompt: “Go wild!” Customers are asked to sign a waiver before ordering this dessert.
* All of my satire is conceived and written with a human mind. If you enjoy what I do, consider leaving me a tip on Ko-Fi or Buy Me a Coffee. Your support helps me continue roasting the New World Order. Thank you.
Wicked funny ... too many highlights to cite.
In the immortal words of Mr. Creosote: "I'll have the lot!"
The restaurant gets a lot of trucked in bullshit from all over the world.
It's how they turn the bullshit into "stuff" that earns them 5 inverse stars.