35 Comments
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Klaus Hubbertz's avatar

EVERY current creature in public office, corporate CEOs, Bilderbergers, WEF's, IMF, NATO, Pfizer, Moderna, Rheinmetall, Rio Tinto, etc., etc. could perfectly fit your requirements.

The problem YOU have is: They're all very busy doing and implementing what your firm still plans to do ... 🤣🤣🤣

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Red Pill Poet's avatar

As gut-bustingly funny from start to finish as it's terrifyingly true. And speaking of Chaos, who can forget Maxwell Smart's endless attempts at thwarting Kaos...

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V. N. Alexander's avatar

"Microsoft Offense and Adobe Destructive Suite" good one.

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W.D. James's avatar

Very Screwtapian.

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Veronica Baker's avatar

What an amazing job offer to read upon turning on my tablet at just after 6 am, not so much the content which made me laugh at its requirements but if more ethical companies laid out their job adverts so well and detailed they would most likely get more applicants.

Fair to say it hits the nail on the head so I would nominate someone from Kraft's, Campbell, PepsiCo and the like whose higher ups already consider it ethical to include Senomyx AKA HEK 293 within their foods, though often listed as only a sweetener, not that I'm sure of how using parts of embryo's makes anything sweet. If you're evil enough for that then I'm sure one will meet your requirements.

By the way, have you got any of that skin softener to spare, my scales have been awfully dry and itchy of late. 😉

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Noel Spangler's avatar

Haha 😂 😂

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Dawn's avatar

Interdimensional stakeholders. We need more info on this influential group. Names? Addresses?

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Gwyneth's avatar

Perhaps a little beyond George Carlin but hilarious nonetheless.

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Noel Spangler's avatar

Thanks! True. He wouldn't go that far.

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Amaterasu Solar's avatar

LOL! Indeed, the psychopathic slime want Ones who can help Them create a mess for Humanity. I somehow don't think I qualify, working as I am towards freeing Humanity from those moneyed psychopaths who are creating the hell on Earth.

The Psychopaths Are Trashing Our Planet (article): https://amaterasusolar.substack.com/p/the-psychopaths-are-trashing-our

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Noel Spangler's avatar

Haha thank you. Of course you don't qualify! I'm going to read your article on the psychopaths when I get a chance.

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Amaterasu Solar's avatar

I look forward to Your thoughts when You get there. 🙏🏻 💜 🙏🏻 Love always!

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Cheramie III%'s avatar

And her middle name is Noel so that’s our youngest son middle name also, good name 👍🏻‼️✝️🇺🇸

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Cheramie III%'s avatar

I shared with the wife so she can follow you

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Noel Spangler's avatar

Thanks so much

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Andrew Devlin's avatar

Love it!😀

However, you forgot to mention that true conservatives need not apply.

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Herschel Sterling's avatar

Is there a golden parachute into hell?

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Carol Diane Bevis's avatar

Substack continues to block my restacks. A small pop-up box appears with only the words: "You cannot restack this post."

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Noel Spangler's avatar

Seems like it went through from what I can see, but certain underground forces may be trying to block you lol. Thanks for your persistence 🙏🏻

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Cheramie III%'s avatar

Scary hilarious ‼️🇺🇸✝️

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Cheramie III%'s avatar

Keep em coming bro you got some talent ‼️🇺🇸🇺🇸

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Noel Spangler's avatar

Thanks, appreciate it. 🙏🏻

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Cheramie III%'s avatar

Thank you bro ‼️🇺🇸✝️

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Hillary Marek's avatar

Dear Hiring Committee at Global Elite Planning, LLC,

Thank you for posting this exciting opportunity to help ruin humanity at scale. After reviewing the description of your Division & Chaos Lead position, I am confident my background in petty sabotage, manipulative content creation, and psychological torment makes me the ideal candidate to advance your long-standing mission of world domination.

In my previous role as Regional Head of Dysfunction at DoYouKnowWhoIAm Corp., I successfully divided office staff along lines of coffee preference (cream vs. black) and escalated minor Slack emoji disagreements into full-blown HR investigations. I also spearheaded a viral campaign around “pants with too many pockets” that triggered three weeks of sustained online warfare. My approach consistently turns harmless differences into apocalyptic schisms, meeting KPIs for chaos every quarter.

I am particularly excited about the opportunity to work with your Chief Chaos Officer. I admire your team’s innovative psyops, such as the annual “left Twix vs. right Twix” campaign, which continues to sow generational resentment. I am confident my experience with false-flag bake sales and weaponized PTA meetings will make me a valuable addition to your global nightmare portfolio.

Enclosed, please find my resume, portfolio of human misery, and notarized adrenochrome requirements. I am eager to discuss how my talents can further your goal of transforming humanity into a perpetually bickering distraction machine.

Sincerely,

Dr. Karen Anita Manager

Candidate for Division & Chaos Lead

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Noel Spangler's avatar

😂 LOL this is hilarious. You've got some humor writing chops!

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James H's avatar

Brilliant!

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Noel Spangler's avatar

Thanks, James 🙏

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